A Hopeless Optimist

从来都不是一个矫情的人，不喜欢夸大自己欢乐或悲伤的情绪，觉得那是做作表现的行为，而不是叩问自己内心的思考和反省。但最近自己多多少少有些忧伤的情绪，当然主要原因来自于找工作的艰难和不顺；还有一部分，是对于世事人情的无奈。

回头仔细想想自己这几年在感情上的成熟，当然包括广义和侠义，突然有种敬畏的感觉。为什么自己能如此镇定，如此处事不惊，是刻意压制感情的流露吗，还是坦然冷静地面对现实？一直觉得自己不是一个善于表达自己内行丰富情感的人，朋友们也有相似的看法。但特别是近两年发生的很多事，让我改变了很多，内心开放了很多，我觉得这是一件好事。

时不时告诉自己，事情要往长远看，希望这种偏理想化的思考方式和人生哲学在不久的某一天，以具象的方式证明它的争取。说到理想化，突然想到一个词hopeless romantic，无药可救的。觉得用hopeless形容自己很恰当，当然不是贬义的无望，而是指在备受挫折和打击后，还是可以如此无药可救地hopeful。也许这是一种好的人生态度吧。也希望这种乐观不是一种假象，而是真正促使成功到来的有力武器。

When to Stop

Most of the time, we would like to set a number for ourselves. So here, I set the number 100 for myself as a motive. Hit Page 100 please!

善待自己

为什么要善待自己？周遭的环境和变幻莫测的事态已经给我们的生活带来了太多的压力和焦虑，如果自己还不能善待自己，还要火上浇油，那再好的局面都会有恶化的趋势。而扭转这困局则需要太多不必要的付出。

什么是善待自己？善待不是放纵，不是让此时此刻有表面上的放松和清闲，避重就轻，或干脆躲避责任，而把任务拖延到下一刻。善待是长远的考量，是让这一刻不清闲而下一刻充分享受愉悦。所以在决定这一刻应该干嘛的时候，想想如何抉择和行动才能让下一刻的你更开心。同时，也要积极计划安排下一刻的行动，好给这一刻的努力带来动力。

如果持久地善待自己？习惯成自然，没有别的办法，就只能随时告诫自己不能松懈。

时间就在瞬间流走

今天在不经意间翻看了几篇过去的博客文章，些许感触油然而生。

一是感叹时间流逝的迅速，忙忙碌碌或浑浑噩噩，几个月甚至几年的时光就成了过去。而最让人难过的是，比较现在和过去的自己，没发现有多大的变化和长进。也许这一刻就是自己在过去很长一段时间一直在寻找和等待的顿悟或者说觉醒时刻。

二是从文字中反省自己的生活状态后意识到，现在浮躁虚华的生活的确给当下和未来带来了些许危机，而这危机已经是迫在眉睫，和庆幸自己终于有了悬崖勒马的意识。从对过去文字的阅读中体会到，自己深层的心境状况有了恶化的趋势。冷静客观理智的自我审视和鼓励被随性肤浅焦躁的自我放纵和容忍所取代，这也是对自己近况极度不满的重要原因。

博客得恢复更新，要把其作为客观检查自己的一面镜子。

GET OUT OF HERE

直接的翻译标题是：赶快从这里滚蛋。

没动力的原因是对未来的不确定，不确定的原因是对现在的自己不自信，不自信的原因是每天不思进取、碌碌无为，无所事事的原因是懒惰。

不能再纵容自己了。

面壁思过

近半年自己总有这样那样的不对劲，感觉一直生活在虚无飘幻中，特别在工作上，一直觉得不得劲儿。今天被老板训了一顿，也算是给自己头上泼泼冷水清醒清醒。仔细想想到底出了什么问题，也想不出个究竟，不过从表象的总结来看，自己是越发懒惰和浮躁了。

随时都抱怨忙，随时都显得忙，但到头来什么什么都没完成；干一点点活就嫌累，总给自己开脱的借口和拖延的理由；时刻都忧心忡忡，但始终却不见行动，就这样一天一天地恶性循环。我到底是怎么了？

以前也出现过类似情况，但从没持续过如此长的时间，自己最终都在恰当时候调整。或是以写博客的方式，或是以详细计划的方式，或是以新的生活作息方式。考虑到这次撼动恶习的难度之大，看来必须要三管齐下才行！

还是有个动力问题。拿到学位是有一点点动力，但之后的打算呢？看来自己还是没有想好出路问题。其实感觉对于未来职业生活感情之类的事情，自己从很早就开始思考，也得出了很多结论，但从没把其落实。瞻前顾后，畏首畏尾，患得患失，这些导致我之前失败或是出现问题的做事方式，如果不即使纠正，很有可能会对近期的生活造成严重影响。

如何才能有一个崭新的自己？给自己定一些杂碎的规矩吧，逼迫自己完成。

1. 每天写一篇博客，当成是自省、反思和计划。
2. 一有闲暇时间就读书，多少都是读一点，不要浪费时间在网络上。
3. 早起早睡，养成规律的作息时间。不要纵容自己。
4. 每天计划要完成的学习任务，直到完成才能睡觉。

今天先写到这里。

Being a vegetarian is more than just being a non-meat eater

My friend B mentioned an interesting story the other day when we were talking about food. She said she knew someone who was a vegetarian but not in a good shape. Instead of eating meat, she ate lots of sweet food to curb her craving, but still she was proud of the fact that she was a vegetarian.

I also know some vegetarians who do not fit into our general image of a fit vegetarian. Except not eating meat, they do not watch their carbohydrate intake, nor are they physically active. Although by definition, a vegetarian means a non-meat eater, and there is no restriction or requirement on life style, I would use the word with caution. Because I, probably like most people, add extra expectations to vegetarians. When hearing the word, I tend to think this person cares about health, so he or she made the choice to stop eating meat.
 

I asked several vegetarian friends of mine why they became vegetarians. The answers usually fall into three categories, health concern, moral concern or natural disgust of meat. It seems reasonable that if your argument of being a vegetarian does not include health, you do not have to be physically fit in order to proudly being a vegetarian. Therefore, I have no ground to blame unhealthy vegetarians because their choice was not based on health.
 

However, I do think there are people who would like to become vegetarian to improve their health, but they might be misled by the media or any other information sources. They equal no meat consumption to being fitness. They cut meat out from their diet but add excessive sugar and fat in. They live with the illusion that they are very healthy but in fact they might be worse off.
 

In contrast, meat eaters with healthy life styles can be seen everywhere. They prove the notion that being healthy means a balanced life in diet and exercise. I do not have any personal preference over meat or no meat, and I know I do not crave for meat. Nevertheless, when I see meat cooked in a special and alluring way, often in ethnic food recipes, I cannot resist it. Once again, I hope to emphasize that it is not much about what you eat, but how much you eat and what your physical activity level is.
 

Another trend in health-centric population is about eating organically. Organic food itself is a huge topic which many professionals are discussing all the time. I will talk about this issue in later articles. What I want to mention here is the similar mistake some people make as some vegetarian, including me. They arbitrarily associate organic ingredients to healthy food. To them, the label “organic” means “healthy-no-doubt”, and means no matter how much you consume, it will always do good to your body.
 

Sometimes I think the food industry overuses and misuses the word “organic”. It is a very smart and rewarding commercializing strategy though. But pay attention to the gimmicks! I cannot help laughing when I see “organic ice cream or chocolate” or read “organic cane sugar” on the package. Do people really think junk food with organic ingredients becomes healthy food?
 

Another joke I heard is manufacturers are considering frying potato chips in olive oil to make them healthier. Do you think highly processed food with all organic ingredients is still organic? I think “organic” itself should have another deeper layer of meaning, which is natural and least processed.
 

As pharmacologist usually say, all drugs are poisons and it all depends on the dose. I think the same rule applies to food too. If you overeat, food becomes poison.

Why do I want to write something about food and health?

During my 23-year-living in China, I had never questioned the problem of the food I consumed. Of course, China has been having food safety issues for years, but the problem I am talking about here is related to the healthiness of the food.

I ate healthily. I have to give credit to my mom, who always forced me to eat vegetables I hated, carrots, spinach, bok choy, ect, and who sometimes stopped me from eating more than three medium pieces of meat. I love all kinds of fruits. I love snacking too. Dove was my favorite chocolate, Oreo my favorite cookie, and Pringles my favorite potato chip. I still remember I was begging my parents to take me to KFC since it opened its first restaurant in my city when I was 10. If I was only allowed to pick one single item from the menu, can you guess my choice? Free ketchups.

I thought I was strong and healthy, but here was the funny fact: I had been one of the fattest students in primary school, middle school and college. My parents, relatives and classmates made fun of me because of my chubby face and belly. To give you a better idea of my body shape, I weigh only 10 pounds less now and my friends here say I am skinny.

I was fine with their stupid jokes and attributed the overweight to my genetics and inactivity. In fact, I did not blame the food for it because I ate vegetables and fruits for the most part of my diet. Also, most kids had the same eating habit as I did and they were perfectly in shape, so it could not be the problem of the food.

At the age of 23, I came to U.S. As a warning, my mom admonished me that I should always cook by myself and restrict dining-out and snacking. I did what she told me to, only if her definition of snacks did not include potato chips, ice cream, cheese cake, pizza or coke.

My weight skyrocketed. I could not resist the temptation of the delicious food. At that time, I did not know anything about nutrition facts or ingredients. I bought under two conditions, cheap and pleasant-tasting. I realized the obvious change happened on my body. It was when I seriously warned myself of the danger of obesity.

I decided to change my lifestyle. I started exercising regularly, paying attention to the calorie intake, reading books about food industry and sharing my opinions about living a healthy life with friends. I want to cite some of the words from my Chinese friends in order to give a comparison and a glimpse on food in both countries.

“Potato chips, pizza and coke are like pig feed. They fatten me so easily.”

“No matter how much I ate in China, I never gain weight. Here, the fat on my belly never goes away.”

“Deserts and candies here are really sweet. They gave my teeth big problems.”

“I don’t understand why people here have such a high intolerance to sugar.”

“Everything here is bigger than in China, chunks of meat, snack packages, strawberries, plates, cars...”

I would like to add one more thing to the “bigger list,” processed food industry.

I agree that culture, customs and habits contribute to the distinct life styles I have seen and experienced in both countries. But there must be something else actually aggravating the health problems. To my limited knowledge, I think that is industrialization.

Although I see global firms have extended their reach to every corner China, and fast food restaurants and junk food are everywhere, fresh produce from farmers markets scattered in almost every neighborhood is still the core of family meals. Going to market everyday is a deep-rooted concept in traditional families. Nonetheless, I am afraid the young generation will gradually lose this tradition because of the stressful work schedule. Grocery shopping once a week and buying everything from the supermarket is the trend people are adapting to in mega cities. It will be sad to see the inevitable coming of the highly-processed-food era.

In short, to answer the question of the title, I hope to share some of my knowledge, experience and thoughts about food and health issues, either for the sake of raising awareness of obesity epidemic, or just for talking about nonsense for fun.

请勿干扰

网络成瘾是真实存在的一种可怕现象。像我一样，也许很多人会辩论说我从来不沉迷于网络游戏，也对网络上的虚假世界有辨识力和戒备心，但这些仅是网络成瘾表象的一部分。更深层次的影响存在于对网络的依赖性，比如时不时就要刷新下新闻、博客或社交网站之类的行为。再往外延伸，就可以触及到以网络为中心的生活方式，工作、娱乐和学习，我们每时每刻都和互联网在打交道。

各种感性的新闻报道和理性的科学研究都表明，现代人越发地孤独。在生活繁忙、生存压力大的现代社会，本来和亲人朋友相处交流的自由时间就被挤窄得所剩无几，大家还更倾向于在空闲时间独处以求清静，当然独处的时候一般都会以电脑为伴。这决不是个体选择的错误，而是时代文明进步而带来的理所当然的改变。只是这种改变让人略微心寒。

有时候觉得传统的生活方式未必毫无益处。 少点光鲜亮丽的刺激，多点深层本质的思考；少点追求迅捷的快餐文化，多点提炼沉淀的真材实料；少点图片，多点文字。要慢下来，静下来，才会发现生活的意义与荒谬。

选择一种生活方式，和其它任何选择一样，不是一件易事。避重就轻、取易舍难是内心强大惰性使然的结果。我不知道欲速则不达这句成语有没有对应的英文翻译，不过我老板经常告诫我的一句话是：Fast experiment is almost right。仔细想想，优质的成果好像都是经过漫长的磨练才得成的。

于是这样就产生了矛盾。内心愿望上的急于求成、正确理论上的脚踏实地和实际行动上的无动于衷相互冲突，导致宝贵的时间在踌躇焦虑犹豫中被浪费。我有时候希望人生是一条单线条，每天只专注于一件事，每件事有个严格的完成期限，人生就能在“被计划被安排”中充实有效率地度过。但这样的人生确是枯燥的，枯燥于不自由、没主见、没目标和真切的成就感。选择众多的人生纵然有趣，但其需要个人严格的自律和周全的规划。

说的这些废话，就当是给过去几个月的总结，同时也是对毕业前不多的几个月的提醒。提醒自己不要在耗磨时间的同时抱怨时间的紧迫。

关于博士和未来

F在微博问了我这样一个问题：“她们说，来，见见，给你点正面积极的安慰。可有些东西是无法安慰的，两个星期无法动笔，但是你给别人说什么呢? 因为你认清了实质，是自己决定要不要按照这个规则继续玩下去? 她们无非就是给你顺顺毛。可是刘瑜为什么继续在学术里混? 是否中国的博士都是这么无助的？”

以下是我给她的回复：

我身边有不少博士朋友（包括中国人和外国人），大家对学术圈都是很失望的，时不时也会凑在一起抱怨。大家都在犹豫，到底要不要拿下这个博士文凭。周围也有拍拍屁股就走人的同学，但每个人背景不同，所以我只能佩服他们的勇气，但知道自己绝不会做这样的选择。其实不光是在读的学生，和毕业的博士和教授也讨论过这问题，他们的经历都相似，越是到博士的后期，动力越是小，坚持下去越是困难，然后纷纷开始质疑人生。不过他们最后都咬咬牙坚持下来了，而且暂时还没有听谁抱怨过后悔拿博士文凭。

道理大家都懂，一旦决定要攻下博士，再苦再累再不开心都要忍受，但真正实行起来，确实艰辛重重。我经常安慰和鼓励自己，加油再忍耐下就过了，然后之后的一个星期工作状态会改善，再之后，又变得死气沉沉没动力，然后又继续激励到消沉的周期。我想这也只能成为我的生活常态了，我不可能在读书期间有任何突变，唯一欣慰的就是每天期盼毕业日期早日来临。

我也试了很多不同的方法，让自己的心态更积极，让每天更有动力工作，总的来说还是比较有效。

第一是我会找到发泄的窗口。我常常给身边的好朋友还有关系好的教授倾诉和抱怨，虽然说这听起来有点消极，但知道周围还有很多和我一样在挣扎的人，多少心里会有点宽慰。我觉得找倾诉对象的关键就是大家的理念要一致，炮火攻击的目标要一样，千万不能和一个喜欢学术的人争论，也不能和一个只会说几句假惺惺宽慰的话的人交流。找到难兄难弟，大家一起扶持，日子多少会好过点。

第二是要找到新的生活的目标，这是我从和很多德高望重的教授的交流中总结出来的。有些教授，他们虽然在学术圈混，但是并不赞同其中的体制，也不认为自己的热情就在于学术，他们选择这份工作也有诸多原因，比如一时的兴趣或者稳定的生活。但他们会把自己的一部分精力放在学术外的事情上，比如有人喜欢做环保，有人喜欢做文化交流，有人热衷于人权问题。他们都给我说，他们身处学术界，但心都在自己喜爱的其他事业上，以这样的心态生活和工作，学术上的困难和不顺自然就缩小了，而且他们觉得和学术界的同事比起来，他们有极大的优越感，因为他们与众不同。我觉得这个方法对我非常有效，我会把学术当成我的任务来完成，或者说挣奖学金的手段，每天八小时；但业余时间，我会全力投入到我喜欢的事情上，这样的生活非常充实。但这里的不易就是要找到自己真正的兴趣所在，或者说未来向往的职业。光是靠电影、音乐、运动或者其他兴趣爱好打发业余时间并没有什么积极帮助，要设定学术外的职业目标，然后制定详尽的计划，用有限的时间和资源去实现。

最后的这观点听起来有点极端，不过我发现对我也是有效的。我觉得一个人要有资格批判一件事，自己首先必须要有对其一切细节的切身体验。我们骂博士教育，但如果我们自己连博士学位都没拿到，中途退出，那我们言论的力度和可信度都会降低，甚至有时候都会怀疑自己，你都没拿到博士，没有足够的经历体验它，凭什么来评价它？此外，还有一种想法是从实验室的一博士生那学到的，他说：“我们都是聪明人，也是认真对待生活和事业的人。虽然说我们讨厌做学术，但我们应该把读博看成获取知识的机会。设想毕业后我们回顾这几年，你肯定希望自己的博士生活没有荒废，你用几年时间在努力地学习知识。即使学过的东西以后用不上，但你会满足于自己曾经努力的状态，而不是得过且过的生活”。

关于刘瑜，我觉得曾经的她（博士期间）和现在的我们一样，对人生和事业充满了彷徨。我一直在关注她的博客，我发现从她做博后到剑桥讲师再到清华教授，这期间她的文章更多是关于政论，而非个人问题。之前看了她给国内学生的一堂讲座，更证实了我对她的感受：她虽然不痴迷于学术，但也不厌恶学术，觉得自己还是能够靠学术过活。她之前也表达过她的彷徨，说到了联合国或者华尔街这种人人向往的地方，对她的吸引力也很小。所以我觉得，她现在的选择肯定是在权衡了自己的兴趣和现实后，经过考量做出的决定。同时，也许她内心还有理想主义者诉求社会变革的愿望，所以在中国当学者对她来说未尝不是一种实现这方面理想的好方式。

很多人说因为我们是中国人，文化和社会的限制让我们在做选择时不如外国人那么自由和大胆，所以有时候只能委屈求全。这话不错，但这绝对不是纵容我们碌碌无为的借口。限制只是多了一重障碍，并不是扼杀了所有机会。我周围很多国家的博士生和博士后，包括美国人，都对未来感到迷茫。有些人就这样浑浑噩噩，成天混日子；有些人就会努力寻找机会。有时候我们会笑说，读博最恐怖的不是枯燥的学习和工作，而是这种状态在逐渐消磨人的意志，让人变得懒惰，不愿奋进。所以我认为现在的关键是要往前看，找到自己的方向，朝自己喜欢的职业目标努力。而博士学位，只是在实现职业目标上必须要完成的一次考试罢了，因为不论是否从事学术，这个文凭本身肯定对未来职业有所帮助。